had a few hard days last week.
levi sent me packing one day. .
said i should just go home. .
which i did.
and took two days rest,
got some massage
which was about as painful as anything i'd ever felt in my legs.

i think i hadn't gaged properly the crash, travel etc etc . . .
and how and what that did to me. .
always trying to push. .
sometime there's need of backing off. .

i realized i was in a pout (sp?)
the photo minus dads smile started coming back.
as a friend said,
the precious "normal" was gone . .
the normal we don't realize we cling to. .

i was feeling sorry for my self.
and my family,
the whole deal.
right fully so,
but. .
there's need
in crucial times
to move through
the sequence of things.
even if they aren't what you wanted,
expected-too hard.. .
move through the crux. .

now a couple days back into
firing up the engine again,
i felt yesterday about 100 percent,
the first time since the TTT in Qatar. .

i'd do my dad a disservice to fly back to MI
right now.
better to try to get my grill up on the camera on VS.
maybe have our surname kicked around on the airwaves.

we all need to fight this Cancer @#$@# %%^ ^%*#*@@
we all need to some way
be each other's extremities. .
reaching at the time where
we ourselves might not reach. .

dad said the only indiscribable thing that he was going through,
in a groggy dopped up voice,
was his feeling of weakness.
to simply move his foot... he said.

then he fell asleep on the phone, a few sentences later.